House of Mourning

I like sad stories. 

This doesn't mean that I like stories that are mawkish and corny. Way too many stories insert sentimentality that doesn't really teach anything about life or pain. Sure, they may teach a few good lessons, but, ultimately, the tragedy doesn't do anything for the story that a happy ending could do just as well. The fatalistic idea that life is futile and full of sadness and that there are no bright spots is almost as bad. (This is kind of how I felt when I watched A Farewell to Arms.)

But good stories with sad endings or overall happy stories with sad or bittersweet elements--those are the ones I love. I've even wondered why and thought maybe something must be wrong with me.

But recently I read this Ecclesiastes 7:2-4 and it got me thinking.

It is better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feasting: for that is the end of all men; and the living will lay it to his heart. Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning; but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.

When we don't acknowledge sadness, we don't acknowledge every aspect of life. We ignore it to focus on what is easy and convenient for us. We never think seriously about things and we drown ourselves in frivolous pursuits so we don't have to feel pain. But pain is a part of life and we have to deal with it in a healthy manner rather than leave someone else to deal with it. In the same way, we can't be so wrapped up in our pain that we have no mental space to be there for those who love us. When we know the seriousness of pain, we can better understand and acknowledge others' pain.

Those who choose to ignore sadness can't be compassionate toward others. They are uncomfortable with tears and don't wish to have their happy-go-lucky lives interrupted by reminders that life isn't always sunny. They'd rather be blissfully unaware of suffering and not do anything about it.

That not expressing our sadness is not healthy and doesn't allow us to fully experience other emotions was basically the lesson of Pixar's Inside Out. Because Riley can't express her sadness, she is unable to cope with the changes around her. It's why her core emotion Joy has to feel sadness to fully understand Riley. It's only when she experiences this sadness that she is able to overcome her situation to achieve her goal.

The film's director Pete Docter summed this up perfectly in a quote for E! News: "Joy is certainly something we seek after and desire, but it's not always in reality what we get. I think it feels truthful to people, which is what we were reaching for. Unlike a fairy tale where it all wraps up in a nice happy ending, you deal with the reality of loss and disappointment. That's where sadness really comes in."

So the enchantment is this: Life has happiness and sadness and we have to deal with both. But we don't have to deal with it alone.